FEELINGS
I feel so all alone when I enter the Sanctuary
People seem to look right past me.
Have I done something to them to make them loathe me?
I want to be everyone's friend in the house, but they seem to want nothing to do with me.
God, Your house is supposed to be a place where love abounds
Yet I feel the exact opposite.
Have I been rude or uncaring in the past that I am not aware of?
Are my looks so repulsive that they can't stand the sight of me?
Do I smell in such a way that repels them?
Am I not wearing the proper clothing, am I out of style?
Is my breath a deterrent from them wanting to converse with me?
Do I not say the proper things to begin the conversation or are my choice of words a turn off?
Is it my speech, do I speak in such a tone that makes them think of nails on a chalkboard?
Am I condescending or using words that they don't understand?
Am I projecting a sense of conceit and feel that I am better then they?
I have so many questions that need answering.
If someone would be honest with me, then I would be able to work on those things that turn them off.
I want to be a friend to the lonely, the hurting, the rejected.
I am reminded of how You were rejected, spit upon, beaten.
Yet You endured it all because of Your love for each person.
To be rejected, to me, is far worst than any physical beating that could be inflicted upon me.
It seems that rejection and what man thinks of me is what has held me back from what You have wanted for me.
I am sorry for not fulfilling what I feel was my greatest calling, that of singing to the masses.
I know that I have failed You and now I am just a middle-aged man who will not fit into this youth centered culture.
